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Lymphoma was ending her life. As I sat next to her, I took her hand.

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Although it seems trite to say that we were best friends, it was nonetheless true. She and I had a bond beyond mother and daughter; throughout my life she had been my mentor, my shopping companion, my greatest fan and my support. There was no topic that was taboo between us, no conversation that we felt compelled to avoid.

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We laughed shamelessly when we were together, forgetting the politeness that normally checked our attitudes, and finding fun in the mundane. She had been suffering from a form of dementia for a couple of years; one that violated her short-term memory but allowed her personality and long-term memory to remain intact.

And then she was diagnosed with a rare lymphoma. An intense, difficult chemotherapy was offered to possibly prolong her life and she was involved in the decision to decline the treatment. The plan was to stay the night and decorate the house for her party, which many of our extended family members were expected to attend. But that evening, when Mom labored to her feet, Dad and I exchanged glances as her once normal gait became a shuffle. We helped her into her bedroom.

It was the last time she would have to climb the short staircase. I slept on their couch that night, with the intercom nearby should Dad need help. They had been together since Mom was fifteen and Dad was seventeen. With assistance, she enjoyed opening her gifts. I had to return home that night, a ninety-minute drive away, since my husband had just set out for a long-ago-planned camping trip and we have many animals in our family.

But the next day found me back and my husband returning home, as it had become apparent that Mom was dying. I entered her bedroom, unable to hide my shock when I saw the sudden decline in her condition. With lips pressed between my teeth to quell the quivering, I nodded my reply. dictionary :: to drop a dime on sb :: English-German translation

The next couple of days were fraught with the difficulties of navigating the health care system. It seemed that the normal resources for the dying were not available to us. Even hospice had too many people to deal with.

Our community nurse was also on vacation. Thankfully, before she left, she placed a standing order for morphine injections if needed. As it became more and more evident that Mom was becoming anxious and feeling a lot of pain, we called in that order. Once the first dose of morphine was administered, Mom relaxed and slept. We became acutely aware of when the next dose was needed so that the pain and panic would not upset her again.