Finding the heart, strength, and resources to go through the process again is impressive. But one of the things my dad seemed to forget at least at first is that if you have kids, they are also going through all of this with you. With tickets to LA to meet our new family, after which we would fly to Hawaii for a family vacation. It was tough feeling judged twenty-four seven. That gave us some time to wrap our brains around how things were about to shift. I could read between the lines. For about a year, when it came time for him to rightfully enforce my curfew or ground me, I would become an absolute nightmare of a child.
I was shocked. That was impressive. It was just a quick day-trip, but it won S many a conspiratorial wink over rounds of margaritas. My father and I are somewhat forgetful humans who are comfortable with a low level of clutter, but all of a sudden, the house was under strict rules. You got dirty looks if you forgot to push your chair in, lectures if you left books on the table.
I made sure to do everything in my power that year to really start living my life including getting married to my best friend. It was really important to me that though the whole wedding planning process my Mum felt involved as I didn't want her to feel an extra sense of loss.
She was both my Mum and dad growing up and she raised my brother and I by herself while running her own business - she is my hero. We enjoyed celebrating little moments of the planning process and we scheduled fun days to go wedding shipping and have afternoon teas. I will forever hold these amazing little memories close to my heart. Although I never knew him, my Dad has always been someone I hold oh-so-dear to my heart so knew I wanted to have something on the day to honour him and remind me that he is always there.
I carried his wedding photo in a beautiful charm on my bouquet which now sits pride of place on my dresser. As we had a Catholic ceremony he was also remembered in prayers of the faithful read out by my brother and in my Mum's lovely speech at the reception.
What Happened When My Dad Sprung a Surprise Remarriage On Me
My Mam passed away suddenly in She was 49 and I was When she died, I immediately had my future wedding all planned out. I would wear her dress. I would have a flower crown because she had one. I knew the song I'd walk up the aisle to because it was her favourite but when the time came, something twigged She would have killed me if I'd done all of those things.
When my father passed away, I never thought I'd get married
Instead I had her with me in ways nobody would have even noticed. I wore her dressing gown getting ready. The wedding car was a VW Beetle because it was what she drove. My coat was the gift my Dad gave my Mam for her 21st birthday.
How do I tell my Mom that my Dad is getting remarried?
Only I or very few knew about these things. My advice - there's no right or wrong way to do this! For me, time didn't heal but it helped. If it's still painfully raw, maybe allow things settle in a bit more. It's hard to make decisions in the midst of grief. When I did walk up the aisle, it wasn't to her favourite song. I wore my own dress and I didn't have a flower crown. What I did have was my incredible Dad holding my hand and an amazing fiance waiting for me at the top of the aisle. I also had 22 love filled years with my mam and while she wasn't there on the day, I was happier than I knew I could be which is all she would have wanted.
My mam passed away just over two years before our wedding.
- Wide Eyed.
- Divination & Joy, Intuitive Tools for an Inspired Life.
- THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO PHOTOGRAPHING FLOWERS, PLANTS AND GARDENS (POPULAR GUIDES TO GREAT PHOTOGRAPHY Book 5).
I'm eternally grateful that she got to know and love! When it came to planning our wedding, I kind of expected the worst, and planned accordingly. I went to my dress appointment on my own - bad idea, I ended up calling Marko outside the shop in tears! On the morning of our wedding, I got dressed with Marko no photographers, bridesmaids, or family - good idea, it gave us a moment of calm before the madness, and meant any anxieties I had about being upset with everyone around, were eased. But the truth is, on the day I wasn't upset. Of course I missed my mam, but when the sun shone for our outdoor ceremony it had been lashing rain about two hours before I knew she was there.
I was too happy to be sad. Our friend and celebrant Dan took a moment out to remember her at the start of our ceremony, but like a pro, he didn't dwell on her absence. My dad gave the most gorgeous speech the whole room was in floods but it was sincere and heartfelt, not mournful.
We had sadly lost a few people in the year or two before our wedding, so we made a perspex "Here in Spirit" sign, with photos on an easel, and stood it next to the table plan, and I think our families really appreciated the sentiment. But really, I have to say, the main reason I didn't miss my mam on the day, or have as many weepy moments as I'd expected during the planning, is a testament to the people around me who filled in the void. My dad was both mother and father of the bride and chief bridesmaid! My sister was a constant source of excitement, encouraging me to indulge in wedding chatter even when it felt frivolous.
My aunties and cousins threw me a kitchen party complete with my very own cocktail bar. My in-laws were unreal, Marko's mam and I had at least one tear-filled heart-to-heart over wine. And of course, Marko, who let me be upset when it was what I needed, but knew exactly how to cheer me up when that was called for too.
If you have a parenting question, send your queries to [email protected]
My advice for anyone planning a wedding after a bereavement? Be kind to yourself, don't put yourself under too much pressure, and let those around you, spoil you rotten!
Naoise's Story Photo by The Mastersons Ronan and I were engaged for two years before the time seemed right to settle down and actually get on with planning our wedding. Claire's Story Photo by Navyblur My mam passed away just over two years before our wedding. See more in: Wedding Planning Wedding Dilemmas.